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Thoughts from Babs

For Rent
Tuesday, December 13, 2005 09:58 p.m.
I moved. Come see me here now!

Georgia on my Mind
Monday, December 12, 2005 06:39 p.m.
So, first off . . .

Guess who's back, back again?

Sorry to steal your line Steph, but it just seemed appropriate. Yes, I am back. Where have I been? I have been moving, that's where. This is the first date our internet has been "active" so you should really be honored that I am writing so soon. I promise not to be gone that long again. I know that some of you out there were actually having to do work! Oh, the horror. Just kidding, anyway, tune in for much more regular updates from now on.

In other news, it is very hard to write this entry. Here's why:

Yes, I am the newest member of the crew with a fur baby (plagiarizing Steph again). Her name is Georgia, she is 8 months old and weighs 7.6 pounds (cause you care) and she is currently sitting in my lap and wallowing all over me. That is becuase today is the first time she was left alone all day and she is a Momma's girl. We went and got her on Thursday afternoon (what else to people do on ice days besides get cats?) then Zach had Friday off and of course I had Saturday and Sunday to spend with her but then, today was the big day. I am apparently an overprotective cat mommy because I worried all day about her eating laundry detergent and dying or meowing all day and the apartment people coming to take her away. Needless to say, I am a freak and none of that happened.

I hope you can all come to meet Georgia soon. Until then, here are here specs: she loves to cuddle (seriously, I was on the phone earlier and she tried to jump into my arms, but only made it up to my thigh and then wrapped her legs around that); is a fraidy cat (scared of loud, or pretty much any, noises); is obsessed with chasing shadows, doesn't like treats (freak! I have tried 2 kinds and she won't touch them!); has always been a drifter (born in a shelter and then lived in a foster home for a few months and then back to the humane society); and loves long walks on the beach and sunsets. Ok, just kidding about those last two. But, Zach better watch out because I think I'm in love!

Inquiring Minds Want to Know!
Monday, November 7, 2005 06:18 p.m.
Last week in class, I got asked the question "What is a blog?" At first I thought that one of my second graders had found this little space of mine and was outing me, but really, she just had heard the word and wanted to know what it was. My reply was half-assed at best. "Uhhh, it's like a journal but on the internet." Oh, but we all know that blogs are more than that. They are a way to express yourself semi-privately, for that half-introvert, half-exhibitionist part of people. You know that most of your friends (except Sarah) are going to read it, and heck, even a lot of people that you don't know. I fully admit that I read blogs of people I know first, second, third, and possibly fourth-hand, and blogs of those who I wouldn't notice if I ran into them on the street. The most interesting ones, I think are those of people who you know of or know slightly but don't know well. They talk about things that you can sympathize with (sometimes much more than they will ever know!) and there is a sort of connection felt. I have learned a lot of things by reading blogs from those I know and those I don't. Some that come to mind include: don't write about work (from dooce); law school parties have tabs! (from misty); everybody gets in funks and placates themselves with shoes (from Fish); yearly PDPs are hard (Steph); squirrels bite people (Rachel); theses are a bitch (Ebony); and most recently, the tried and true, seems like an old piece of advice that everyone tells but noone wants to listen to: once a cheater, always a cheater. For those of you who didn't hear that: ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!!! I could get really mean right here, but I won't. But if you're reading this and you think that in any way, shape or form I could be talking about you, just assume that I am and dump his sorry ass. That is today's public service announcement. Thanks for listening. And yes, for those of you wondering, I do read blogs of the current girlfriends of people who I used to be "friends" with.

I wonder if the thirty-thirty will be at all like the dirty-dirty?
Thursday, November 3, 2005 07:45 p.m.
So, I arrived at 26 relatively unscathed. Actually, I was thinking about it and I can say, without denial, that this was the best birthday that I have ever had! My team at school made a huge deal out of it, brought me a cheesecake and a birthday girl ribbon and a giftcards to freebird's (not to mention made my boss email everyone about my birthday). But, the best part was that apparently all my friends have been conspiring against me (they all said conspiring for me) for over a month and they threw me a surprise party (which I have NEVER had and ALWAYS wanted) and got me the best present in the world, this! Needless to say, I have been rockin' out ever since (well, for 2 days) and it hasn't left my side. Then today we got more birthday fun at JC's for happy hour and Mooshie showed up with more purple stuff for me! She's the best roomie ever. And, the fun is still going since we are going out for some dinner and drinkin' fun on Saturday. I just love birthday weeks! Thanks to everyone who made me feel super-special this week. I have the best friends in the whole wide world! And now I must go, since Nano is calling my name!

Why I don't share my social security number with my class
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 05:18 p.m.
Today, as a joke, I told my class I had a really important announcement and when they were all looking and listening, I said "One week until my birthday!" Half of them thought that was funny, the other half was clueless. Some of them even said "That's not important!" Well, try telling my mom that. Anyway, one of my kids walked up to me at my desk after that and asked "Can we bring cupcakes on your birthday?"

"Sure." I replied.

Then she went on to say "Ok, my mom said that we are going to bring you cupcakes and sign a card and bring flowers, for a secret."

Right, a secret. I swear, this kid is a vault, a vault I tell ya!!

Your stylist is FIRED!!
Thursday, October 13, 2005 09:04 p.m.
Dear Kristi on the Apprentice,

First off, stop talking in a southern accent. It makes the south, as a region look stupid and bitchy. Please don't further associate yourself with anything south of the Mason-Dixon. We hate you.

Second of all, please don't tell me that you are actually dressing yourself. At the beginning of today's episode, all the other apprentices were in suits, or other equally-professional attire. You looked like you were in pajamas. Ugly pajamas, for that matter. Then, in the boardroom, you had on a black dress with a brown sweater. Bad enough, but you had the sweater (a pullover) across your shoulders with the sleeves in front. This is not 1984 and we are not wearing Lacoste and sipping V8 after a round of tennis at the club. Wear the sweater the correct way or don't wear it at all. Or, just walk in front of a bus with it on. We would all be better off that way.

Sincerely, Babs

Pet Peeves
Wednesday, October 12, 2005 05:14 p.m.
Now, we all know that MY pet peeve (the one I list on email surveys and such) is people who take up the group's time with personal questions. Being a teacher, this happens to me all the time. And it's the adults doing it in faculty meetings, not the children doing it in class. However, since I have the personality of a 75 year old cantankerous male, I have been known to have other peeves now and again. The latest pet peeve I have are radio insurance commercials wherein the insurance company tries to make themselves look like good deed doers by merely doing their jobs.

Example 1: There is a commercial about how someone's house was destroyed in a hurricane/ fire/ earthquake/ locust attack and said homeowner proceeds to recount, in an awed voice, how, after the damage, why he just called the company and, lo and behold! they paid him money for the damage! Sweet Jesus, can it be true?!?!?!?! Umm, isn't that what you were paying $108.95 to them every month to do, Einstein? This is not a good deed. The insurance company is supposed to pay you when something happens to what they are insuring. That is kind of what the word "insurance" means.

Example 2: "I'm a wife and a mom of 3 kids. We've had coverage with Blue Cross/ Blue Shield for 3 years now. Johnny was a regular kid until his 6th grade year when he caught pertussis. Over the next 2 years he spent over 200 days as an inpatient. We could never have survived without Blue Cross/ Blue Shield. They covered most of his stay." Umm, first off, what fracking 3rd world country do you live in where your 6th grader catches whooping cough? Is this 1900? Second of all, once again, this is what you paid the insurance company to do all those years. When you get sick, they pay. In fact, they use some of the money that you have been paying them all those years to pay you back.

Very few people actually break even with the premiums they pay and the benefits they get back. That's why they're called insurance COMPANIES. They're not charities. They are in this to make a buck. It is their job to pay when things go wrong. So, insurance companies, if you continue to make commercials in which you state that you, gasp, did your job, you will start forcing other companies to state the obvious and make it seem as if they are doing good deeds. Commercials about how HEB will give you food and all you have to do is give them money! Foleys will give away clothes, and all I had to do was scan this plastic card. I don't try to tell people how great I am for teaching Johnny to read, so I would appreciate you not playing the hero when you cough up some dough for his pertussis. (pun intended)

Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolly lolly lolly
Thursday, September 29, 2005 04:38 p.m.
Seriously, that is all I think when I look at this:

My Mother is Adopted
Wednesday, September 28, 2005 07:55 p.m.
In the past several weeks, my grandmother's health and mental aptitude have been in swift decline, so the tough decision to put her in an assisted living facility was made. My mom, who is usually very nice, meek, giving and a classic "good Christian woman" has had to start picking up some slack. You see, as my dad would say, her siblings are simple-minded twits. (Actually, he said if you looked up twit in the dictionary my aunt's picture would be there, but that is neither here nor there.) Anything that they are put in charge of or put themselves in charge of, they screw up. I AM NOT exaggerating. Case in point: On Monday Zach and I had to go help move my Grammie's furniture into her room at "the home". One of the things that got loaded into my car was a dining room table. It was pretty light, just a wooden rectangle with leaves that you can put up on either side when company comes. We loaded it with both leaves down and with the table-top on the floor. I have always loaded tables like this, as it seems better than having them wobble around. We get to the facility and my uncle comes to help me carry in the table. He looks in my car and looks at me and says "It's been loaded upside-down". As if I hadn't noticed and/ or done it myself. My response: "yeah". He then says, and I swear I am not making this up "Well, now it will be upside-down when we take it into her room." I had no response for several seconds because I was staring at him, dumbfounded. Finally I mustered up "Umm, we can flip it over and then carry it." I thought maybe he was joking or just hadn't realized his stupid comment, but no, then he said "I guess that would work." It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I did, however, tell my mom to check on the room next to Grammie and see if it was available because, from his mental capacity, it looks like he may be headed there sooner than later.

Sunday, September 25, 2005 12:07 p.m.
I thought that he was being really helpful. I honestly thought that he looked more organized and efficient than I had ever seen him look. He was TCB, as Elvis would say, takin' care of business. He was helping people, and looking, if I might say, pseudo-intelligent doing it. I really thought that for once he was trying to do something good, to make a difference. It wasn't until this morning, in a moment of clarity while eating my Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds (seriously, on a sidenote, I love those things- if anyone from the company is reading, can I get some royalties for mentioning them? anyway) in a moment of clarity I realized, he's campaigning . I have to admit that I am pleased with him for helping so many people get out of harm's way, but come on, we've already got one of you people for the next three years. If I have to deal with him after that, the thing you see flying past you on the way to the passport office will be none other than yours truly.

Signs you shouldn't be rowing, or engaging in any physical activity, for that matter
Sunday, September 18, 2005 11:15 a.m.
I have written before about the annoying people who have seats behind us at the UT games. Well, last year they left their expensive sunglasses and we found them, kept them until the next game and returned them. They were so happy that they changed their cowbell-ringing ways and now they like us. They really aren't so bad anymore. They bet on all the college foortball games, so they always know the scores, they always know the players' names and they stand up and clap during the Wabash Cannonball so I am not the only fool doing it. We even have conversations with them. Yesterday my sister was late to the game and they asked me where she was. I told them she had rowed out of town that morning and was on her way. The game was fairly boring, so when she got there, one of them asked her about rowing. He mentioned in the course of the conversation that he had rowed once, for about a month. When asked why he stopped, he informed us that he had ruptured a lung. Now, we're imagining that someone had hit him really hard with an oar in the chest (or crabbed him, for all you rowers) and injured him that way. No, no. He informed us that he had ruptured his lung lifting the boat. We quickly wrapped up the conversation then, not wanting to have to make fun of our new friend to his face. But rather, to make fun of him after the game and now on the internet. Who ruptures a lung lifting something? You never row by yourself so there had to be between 1 and 7 other people helping him with the boat. If he was strong enough to row, he really should have been strong enough to lift his part, not to mention smart enough to never ever tell anyone that he ruptured a lung lifting a boat. I guess the moral of the story is this: lift with your legs, not with your lungs, kids.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 04:39 p.m.
When I saw this headline, I expected a complete set of encyclopedia-esque volumes to be downloaded onto my computer. I mean, blunders, there must be millions upon millions of them that he has committed in his 59 years as a sub-human. But no, only a short article on how his bumbling government mis-handled the biggest natural disaster our country has ever seen. I know, I know, at least he apologized this time, not like the time that he sat on his bum and continued to read a children's book while New York was being attacked. He did not, however, make any apologies for his crazy mum. I guess Barb is on her own. (Sidenote: don't ever call me Barb. It reminds me of old ladies with white hair who think that their dogs can write books.)

Dum da dum dum DUMB!
Friday, September 9, 2005 05:19 p.m.
This has been the stupidest week of my life. I don't mean that stupid things have happened, just that I have been a friggin' idiot all week, as Napoleon would say. I wonder around at work, forgetting things like why I came to a certain room. I look around the work room or the book room or the library or the office and wonder "Why am I here"? I left a bunch of projects for a volunteer to make and forgot the supplies to make them. I have lost the ability to speak coherently to anyone in a position of authority. I confess, I have been a mumbler. I drop stuff (like my phone a bajillion times) just because my hands got used to holding it. I am unable to spell or type anything properly (I just types speel and had to fix it!) I missed an abs class at the gym for no other reason than I was just sitting at my computer and didn't notice that it was time to leave. Argh! But, you all just wait. I am sure that my brain has been neglecting all these insignificant things because it is coming up with something stellar! I am going to be the next Newton or Einstein! Yeah, just keep waiting on that one. I'll let you know when it happens. If I remember.

In the face of natural disaster . . .
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 05:31 p.m.
a little pure, uninhibited judgment (purely for entertainment's sake). If you have no sense of humor and can't take a joke, please stop reading now and leave (and by the way, why are you here). I know that it is a horrible tragedy and that there has been much loss of life and property, but this is all in good fun.

Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, there are a few opinions that I am going to put out there. Because, hey! This is America and I can say whatever I want! Here goes (in list form, of course) :

First, and most obvious, Katrina is quite the buzz kill bitch, no? I mean, she played like she was just going to pretty much let NOLA be, veering off to the east at the last minute and all. The French Quarter and downtown were in relatively good shape (considering they just got hit by a Cat 5). But then, she comes back and decides to break some levees and all Hell breaks loose. She is like TABC busting in on a frat party- making everyone leave the 24 hour drinkfest that is Bourbon Street and evacuate. Then, ruining the alcohol and beers by pouring some water all over it. MEAN!

Moving on. Seriously now, last warning. If you are easily offended, stop reading! To all you people who decided to "ride out" the storm in your houses in New Orleans, even though your mayor issued a MANDATORY evacuation order, you are total idiots. You are not brave, or strong, just dumb. I understand that some had special circumstances (no transportation, handicapped, elderly), but I believe that if I heard there was a huge storm headed my way, I would start walking, at the very least, to the nearest shelter. Not to mention there were some that were able to leave and chose not to. For those of you in need of a vocabulary lesson, mandatory means you don't get to choose. If something happens to you, at least part of your demise, as tragic as it may be, can be attributed to Darwin's Natural Selection. The fastest and smartest gazelles get away while the slow dumb ones get eaten by the lion. Harsh, but true. Evolution is ridding the world of your idiot genes.

Next up are people who are overcharging evacuees for hotel rooms and gas. You guys are straight up assholes. No doubt about it. You are profiting off of disaster, fear and destruction. There is only one life form lower than you (and we'll get to them in a minute). I understand that gas is something that must be charged for, but there is no need to jack up the price any more that W already has. As for hotel rooms, really, just give them a night for cheap or free. It is not going to make that big of a difference. If it weren't for the hurricane, you wouldn't have been full anyway. Why don't you try putting some good karma out into the world? You might just get some back.

Looters, itís your turn. You suck even more than the last group discussed. You are the lowest form of bottom-feeding life there is. I heard that one of you even shot another looter while looting. Seriously. You must be joking. You are profiting off of the largest natural disaster in US history, and I am certain that a special place in Hell has been reserved for you. If you have enough energy, will and resources to loot in the middle of a flooded city, then maybe you could put all that to good use. Something to think about. At least the stupid people stayed their asses at home.

Lastly, all the people in FEMA, the National Guard, Red Cross and everyone else helping. You are good kind people. The world could use more like you. There, now you know that not all judgments have to be bad, and that I am not completely heartless, just a little heartless mixed with some funny. I really do feel for all the people affected by the storm and hope that things turn out as good as they possibly can at this point (and that we are not forced to select another venue for future girls' weekends due to NOLA's untimely demise!)